Secretary Shepard discusses threat situation
July 18th, 2007
Media, Opinion, absurd
July 11, 2007 – Secretary Shepard spoke Tuesday, July 10 to the editorial board of Vermont Confidential: “I believe we’re entering a period this summer of increased risk. We’ve seen a lot more activity in the stars. There are a lot of reasons to speculate about that but one reason that occurs to me is that they’re feeling more comfortable and raising expectations. Of course it could be all the Space Shuttle activity. Or it could be that people look at the stars more in the summer time because the weather is better for star gazing. All these things have given me kind of a gut feeling that we are in a period of increased vulnerability.
“Despite all the increased star gazing, my gut suggests we may be missing something. That something might be a large asteroid on a direct collision course with the earth. An asteroid impact would have profound consequences for our country – and – of lesser concern – the entire planet as a whole. But my gut could be wrong. What it might be telling me is that a large comet is on a direct collision course with the moon. This of course might fragment the moon thus disrupting all the lunatics and sending them out on a gihad – which of course could have profound consequences for the Homeland Security.
“I thought you should know. Know that my gut is feeling a bit queasy. Of course it could be that burrito I had for lunch from Taco Bell.
“If my gut happens to be correct I would of course give Taco Bell a big contract for assisting in future homeland security initiatives – but more importantly we need a plan. First, discuss this possibility with your children. Explain to them what an asteroid attack is and its consequences. If an asteroid attacks, have a place to meet with your children. However, do not alarm them. You might then take this opportunity to explain to them about hurricane attacks. They’re not as spectacular – nor as devastating – but such attacks have the added concern about whether or not your children can swim. If your children can’t swim, be sure to have life jackets on hand. “
[Inspired by recent media items ca. Chicago Tribune. ]
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