Vermontitis

September 30th, 2007
Opinion, economics

For the record, I personally made Green Mountain Coffee a success. Simply by drinking the stuff. While I attribute my significant hair loss to caffeine overindulgence, having its mental performance enhancing boost allows me to sniff out double talk, a.k.a. Vermontitis.

With that said, I hate Starbucks. Those boys in Seattle had a good idea - ‘cept for the ‘city roast’ part; bitters the coffee. But that is trademark Starbucks ( or is it the la la la chino chino chino stuff?) Anway, won’t drink it - not if you gave it to me. Coffee black, please.

So why does the local Middlebury uproar over the proposed Starbucks upset me so much? And why does it upset the local lights (emissaries)? From what I can gather reading the editorial comments in the Addison Independent, it would tarnish the “local” distinctive character, take profits back to Buffalo New York, and otherwise bring an unwanted icon into the area. Can you imagine such a travesty? I suspect profits leaving the state is particularly egregious to the local lights.

The journalist discussion started with what is termed a “balanced” editorial; here’s an example:

“But can the welcoming of a chain coffee shop in Middlebury be called progress, or is it the continued usurpation of mass corporate culture over the local economy? Area residents, depending on their perspective, will see it both ways.”

Sounds balanced to me. Something not quite as objective might be written: Can the welcoming of new investment in Middlebury along with some new jobs, be called progress, or is it the continued undermining of our provincially self-sufficient socio-economy… the word “continued” is important - as you’ll see.

What makes this all the more serious is the weighing in of Middlebury’s preeminent “scholar in residence” and notable global warming fear monger, hailing from the eastern (Green Mountain) highland sanctuary of Ripton (home to the prestigious writers’ lair of the Breadloaf School) where - apparently - he daily descends to idle away some lovely time at the newly renovated book store (housing windows filled with fellow light’s works) and then saunters over to Carol’s Hungry Mind Cafe to sip some … and feed the starving minds with his worldly wisdom. If you are so lucky to be there (and not at Starbucks) you’ll be graced with his insightful presence and you will learn about the evil doings of the big box stores like Target and Walmart, the badness of mass corporate culture, and finally how to save the planet by holding your green house gas emitting breath. That’s not a treat you’ll get at Starbucks! Then you will witness “the departure” for the trek back to the Ripton sanctuary in the green transport (is that a Subaru or Volvo? where all “profits” stay in Vermont!) getting ever so much more mileage from the (local) distillate (where all profits benefit the local Vermontitis Foundation). A breathtakingly carbon neutral event if ever there was!

When all the excitement is finally over, you’ll get into your locally built car, filled with local distillate, and drive to Williston, Rutland, or maybe even Wallyworld in Ti to get the things you need at a price you can afford (mostly made in Vermonia), and on the average spend $240 dollars per person each year in gas alone to do so. (Vermont’s dirty little secret.) That’s $240 a year that everyone might otherwise spend in local stores, run by local people but instead must be spent to earn a living, pay the highest taxes in the land, and then drive some more to find the prices you can actually afford. Either way - those nasty things known as profits will leave the state never to return - at least not if we can prevent it with all our distinctive local will! To keep our distinctive local flavor, we rank 11th in per capita gasoline consumption of all states. If we built a real economy, we could make a good start at reducing those carbon emissions by allowing more of us to work and shop closer to home. And you never know, the next Bill Gates might have a real preference for Starbucks.

Ah…but no. That would be a bad thing. That might be a seed of CORPORATE INFILTRATION! Forcing us to accept (begrudgingly) the “role of the marketplace“.

“The question we all face is whether anything should be done to limit such corporate infiltration, or should we just accept the role of the marketplace and do the best we can - as a community - to create zones where mass cultural forces have their place, while preserving the downtown as the soul of the community?”

Where is Art Woolf when you need him?

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